My list of 75 agents is growing smaller and smaller. I didn’t realize how many agencies have a policy where “A no from one of us is a no from all of us.” I have to trust they actually shared my query with their co-workers, otherwise I may have missed a chance. Two agencies have said no, and I was hoping to query about 8 people I now can’t because of this policy.
My heart is racing. I turned on some fun music to pump myself up today, and I finished 4 queries. My query letter is good and my MS has been edited about 4 times so I hope it’s ok. I don’t want to exhaust my options. Again. I know it’s all part of the process, but it’s still disheartening.
Two weeks ago when I had a MS request was the most excited I’ve been in a long time. The no from that was hard, but not as hard as it could have been since I prepared for it. Yet, with each query sent I feel rejection is inevitable. It’s hard to get out of this funk. Self-publishing is not an option for this book so I have to hope an agent likes it.
If I go through all my agents, then what? This question has been plaguing me since the first rejection. I’ve been through this before, but my skin is not as tough as I thought it was. Do I start a new project? Do I push harder for this one? Do I, I dunno, troll Facebook for answers? I want to be optimistic but having a back up plan would help me a lot. Anyone have some good advice? Anyone been through this funk before? Wisdom welcome!!!
I have been so unmotivated to write lately. Life really has been crazy. I’ve been fostering 5 kittens, interviewing for jobs, housesitting, babysitting, and making a birthday dinner for gramma! There have been a lot of distractions that have taken away from my time and mental readiness to write.
Today, however, I had nothing on my schedule.
It is a day off. I feel exhausted today so I decided to take a personal day at home and see where the mood took me. I watched some TV and got bored, so I cleaned the hamster cage. Still bored, so I cleaned the fish tank. I vacuumed, washed dishes, I shopped online for cat supplies, and made basil fried rice for dinner. It was a beautifully productive day, yet although I had the energy and motivation to do so many things today, I could not bring myself to write. It has been a frustrating and depressing lack of motivation. Apparently I will do anything around the house to avoid writing.
I took some time to ponder this today and I think it boils down to not wanting any more rejection. So far, every agent I have queried has said no or has not responded–and we all know no response means “no thanks” in many agencies. 32 people have rejected my book, and that along with the rest of the stress in my life I think has gotten to me. I consider myself a positive person, but everyone has a breaking point. I think that’s another reason why I do not want to write a synopsis. The goblin in the back of my head is saying “what’s the point” when in reality the synopsis might be my saving grace. Who knows. The publishing world is so subjective it drives me crazy!
I need to find motivation again. I’m hoping once I land a job, get an apartment, and figure out a routine everything will fall into place. Right now anything sounds more appealing than writing and that’s not a healthy place to me. I love to create. I know I love to create, yet I’ve fallen into a void of avoidance that is difficult to escape.
Maybe I need to read more. Anyone have suggestions? Any great books that inspire you to create in any form?