I have been so unmotivated to write lately. Life really has been crazy. I’ve been fostering 5 kittens, interviewing for jobs, housesitting, babysitting, and making a birthday dinner for gramma! There have been a lot of distractions that have taken away from my time and mental readiness to write.
Today, however, I had nothing on my schedule.
It is a day off. I feel exhausted today so I decided to take a personal day at home and see where the mood took me. I watched some TV and got bored, so I cleaned the hamster cage. Still bored, so I cleaned the fish tank. I vacuumed, washed dishes, I shopped online for cat supplies, and made basil fried rice for dinner. It was a beautifully productive day, yet although I had the energy and motivation to do so many things today, I could not bring myself to write. It has been a frustrating and depressing lack of motivation. Apparently I will do anything around the house to avoid writing.
I took some time to ponder this today and I think it boils down to not wanting any more rejection. So far, every agent I have queried has said no or has not responded–and we all know no response means “no thanks” in many agencies. 32 people have rejected my book, and that along with the rest of the stress in my life I think has gotten to me. I consider myself a positive person, but everyone has a breaking point. I think that’s another reason why I do not want to write a synopsis. The goblin in the back of my head is saying “what’s the point” when in reality the synopsis might be my saving grace. Who knows. The publishing world is so subjective it drives me crazy!
I need to find motivation again. I’m hoping once I land a job, get an apartment, and figure out a routine everything will fall into place. Right now anything sounds more appealing than writing and that’s not a healthy place to me. I love to create. I know I love to create, yet I’ve fallen into a void of avoidance that is difficult to escape.
Maybe I need to read more. Anyone have suggestions? Any great books that inspire you to create in any form?